i have a folder of screenshots on my phone titled “most unhinged things I’ve said to men on hinge” and when things don’t work out (aka they don’t like me back) I think maybe I should be more nice and normal (aka boring) but this reminds me that I should not be because 1. the shock value is always worth it and 2. this is way more fun
I met my wife at 19 (I'm 43) and have only experienced the dating apps through my confirmed bachelor younger brother. But as a fairly serious golfer, do so many guys really put a golfing pic on their profiles?!
Have they not noticed that there's a single woman on the course ~never. Shouldn't that be a clue that ~every woman they're trying to match will see their golfing as somewhere between don't care, uninteresting, and a big negative? I may have been immature in my 20s but I could do ultra basic reasoning. WTF?
I'm not a golfer, so I can't speak to the demographics, but I'm also on Hinge as a straight man and I actually come across a lot of women's profiles that either mention they're interested in golfing or have a picture of them golfing. I don't doubt that it's a male-dominated sport, but I'm not sure it's the worst thing to put on your profile so long as it's kept to one photo and is tasteful.
That being said, I get what the crux of your point is--that maybe putting a hobby/interest/activity that doesn't cater to your audience perhaps isn't the best approach. And maybe I'm in the contrary here, but I think a little bit of it is okay. It shows your personality, that you have interests, and maybe gives the other something to talk about. I often come across women's profiles of their interests that I've never had (and probably will never have) a personal interest to partake in myself, but still find curious and would like to support my (would-be) partner on. I don't see how that's a bad thing if it's tasteful and they're not making it their entire personality or shoving it in your face.
Yeah fair enough. I agree that it seems like it shouldn't be too big a negative to just show you've got hobbies. I just feel like there's so much baggage attached to golf. And maybe more young women are putting golf pictures on their profiles but it's still true that the number of women under 50 I see on the course is zero almost every time I go out 🤷♂️
Sure, but purely from a communication standpoint, wouldn't you do better including pictures of you doing things that there's some reasonable chance a woman will respond to positively. Like, consider even the gym bro picture. Easy to make fun of and overdo, but lots of women like guys with muscles! There's a chance a woman will see that pic as a positive. I don't think I've ever heard a woman say, "you know I'm just really into dudes who love golf"!
I agree that you want to be authentic. At the same time, it seems to me if you're on the apps it makes no sense not to try to communicate the best real version of yourself. I was responding to the statement of ~ubiquitous golf pics. A *very* low percent of guys are serious golfers. My reaction was more along the lines of if you're a guy who likes to bang the ball around and drink beer a few times a summer and on special occasions with your friends -- which describes the vast majority of men who own golf clubs -- it's stupid or lazy to put a golf pic on your profile, not "authentic" or the like.
I mean I don't really know obviously. As I said I've been out of the game since long before the apps. Golf in particular just strikes me as a thing that very few women are going to look at and think aww that's nice he has fun with his friends. And very few are going to think sweet we have something in common. And plenty are going to have the instant app style response "douche, swipe left", even though they'd date a guy who plays some golf.
I don't know why substack sent me here but I didn't realize that dating had become so meticulous... I met my wife on tinder a decade ago. All I had to say was "I'm looking for something serious" and then broke every rule about what topics you should avoid.
Nothing clever, nothing cute. Just an obvious openness that doesn't seem to be very common.
But... she was only my 3rd match in a year and the other two didn't even show up for a first date. Sometimes you get lucky.
I felt so seen with the redhead erasure comment, and as a red head it is an immediate red flag when they put “I’m weirdly attracted to red heads👩🏻🦰”. What’s weird about it? I’m hot asf
Part of me is like, this is so funny and so true, and then the other part is like, crazy that there are this many steps involved in something that has a 99.99% chance of going nowhere
This was funny and also terrifying. I was dating from 19-25 and I met my ex “naturally”. Now that I’m single and reading this, I’m like “wtf since when did dating have so many rules and become a performance???”
The subtitle hooked me. Every man of my dreams has sucked a little. Very relatable.
i have a folder of screenshots on my phone titled “most unhinged things I’ve said to men on hinge” and when things don’t work out (aka they don’t like me back) I think maybe I should be more nice and normal (aka boring) but this reminds me that I should not be because 1. the shock value is always worth it and 2. this is way more fun
Yes!!! If you’re not having fun with it, it’s not even worth having the app. Someone will match your freak, maybe, hopefully…
I met my wife at 19 (I'm 43) and have only experienced the dating apps through my confirmed bachelor younger brother. But as a fairly serious golfer, do so many guys really put a golfing pic on their profiles?!
Have they not noticed that there's a single woman on the course ~never. Shouldn't that be a clue that ~every woman they're trying to match will see their golfing as somewhere between don't care, uninteresting, and a big negative? I may have been immature in my 20s but I could do ultra basic reasoning. WTF?
I wish I was exaggerating, Matt. It really is horrific out here
I'm not a golfer, so I can't speak to the demographics, but I'm also on Hinge as a straight man and I actually come across a lot of women's profiles that either mention they're interested in golfing or have a picture of them golfing. I don't doubt that it's a male-dominated sport, but I'm not sure it's the worst thing to put on your profile so long as it's kept to one photo and is tasteful.
That being said, I get what the crux of your point is--that maybe putting a hobby/interest/activity that doesn't cater to your audience perhaps isn't the best approach. And maybe I'm in the contrary here, but I think a little bit of it is okay. It shows your personality, that you have interests, and maybe gives the other something to talk about. I often come across women's profiles of their interests that I've never had (and probably will never have) a personal interest to partake in myself, but still find curious and would like to support my (would-be) partner on. I don't see how that's a bad thing if it's tasteful and they're not making it their entire personality or shoving it in your face.
Yeah fair enough. I agree that it seems like it shouldn't be too big a negative to just show you've got hobbies. I just feel like there's so much baggage attached to golf. And maybe more young women are putting golf pictures on their profiles but it's still true that the number of women under 50 I see on the course is zero almost every time I go out 🤷♂️
Sure, but purely from a communication standpoint, wouldn't you do better including pictures of you doing things that there's some reasonable chance a woman will respond to positively. Like, consider even the gym bro picture. Easy to make fun of and overdo, but lots of women like guys with muscles! There's a chance a woman will see that pic as a positive. I don't think I've ever heard a woman say, "you know I'm just really into dudes who love golf"!
I agree that you want to be authentic. At the same time, it seems to me if you're on the apps it makes no sense not to try to communicate the best real version of yourself. I was responding to the statement of ~ubiquitous golf pics. A *very* low percent of guys are serious golfers. My reaction was more along the lines of if you're a guy who likes to bang the ball around and drink beer a few times a summer and on special occasions with your friends -- which describes the vast majority of men who own golf clubs -- it's stupid or lazy to put a golf pic on your profile, not "authentic" or the like.
I mean I don't really know obviously. As I said I've been out of the game since long before the apps. Golf in particular just strikes me as a thing that very few women are going to look at and think aww that's nice he has fun with his friends. And very few are going to think sweet we have something in common. And plenty are going to have the instant app style response "douche, swipe left", even though they'd date a guy who plays some golf.
Me, in a happy decade-long relationship that predates online dating: this is so good and useful
Lmfaoo it’s just really a versatile guide idk
I don't know why substack sent me here but I didn't realize that dating had become so meticulous... I met my wife on tinder a decade ago. All I had to say was "I'm looking for something serious" and then broke every rule about what topics you should avoid.
Nothing clever, nothing cute. Just an obvious openness that doesn't seem to be very common.
But... she was only my 3rd match in a year and the other two didn't even show up for a first date. Sometimes you get lucky.
I felt so seen with the redhead erasure comment, and as a red head it is an immediate red flag when they put “I’m weirdly attracted to red heads👩🏻🦰”. What’s weird about it? I’m hot asf
Yes!!!!!!! This!
"On a photo of him flexing his biceps: “Was it leg day?”" is such a choice burn 😂. Did you come up with that? I love it.
Haha yes I did come up with it. Thank you for reading 💋
This was hilarious and a little (too) relatable, glad we’re all putting in effort in the trenches
Just a lovely read. So fun!
Part of me is like, this is so funny and so true, and then the other part is like, crazy that there are this many steps involved in something that has a 99.99% chance of going nowhere
I wrote this, read it, and deleted hinge. So I feel you on that 😭
These prompts of urs need to be in a hall of fame
Thank you, it’s a passion of mine
Am I supposed to be here substack algo?
Anyways, damn what did dating apps do to you to pull out graphs & stats? Funny read, atleast I now know what the girlies nowadays are struggling with
similarly to your “first time golfing?” jabby photo response, I often use (on photos of him with a fish) “which one is you?”
THIS is so good!!!!
Yes, yes, I do
"What on earth does that mean? It means he is evil." was funny and so true
This was funny and also terrifying. I was dating from 19-25 and I met my ex “naturally”. Now that I’m single and reading this, I’m like “wtf since when did dating have so many rules and become a performance???”